Memory

I don’t have religion and I don’t know anything about God or Heaven,
and I’m only writing this here because otherwise I’m just mumbling on a porch,
thinking really loudly late at night

I’m not holding onto the past
I’m reaching for right now,
right now I know you still exist, Mama Mere, Gayle, Matt, I know your energy didn’t end, only changed, Mom, Ethan, Ruane, Kim, I know that somehow you are still there,
on a different spectrum,
light that I can’t see,
sounds I can’t hear

my friends, my family, my loved ones, my dreams, all of our times were ours,
we had hearts and smiles
and we had thoughts and tears

I’m reaching for you in this moment, wherever you are and everywhere that you aren’t

I’m not just mumbling to myself in the dark and thinking a story about things I can’t see

how strange it is that I can hear your laughter, I can feel your gaze on me, I can almost see you as you promise me that there is more

and how unimportant would anything be if it was anything less than eternal?

Once, I wept for what would come to pass
it passed, I don’t weep much anymore

Once, I laughed for how silly reality was
I changed my view and laughed harder

I’m not holding onto the past
because it’s happening now
the future holds only more
as it happens now
right now I reach outside of time
and nothing has ever been lost
and nobody has ever died

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