Intents and Purposes

The boy watched me, as I grew,

The dark man chased me through my nightmares, his chains rattling as he walked,

And the beast guarded my anger. 

These three spirits have followed me, relentless in their loyalty, unbreakable and inescapable. Since I was a child being used and hurt, they have stayed by my side. Through my worst moments of self-destructive behavior, they have refused to let me surrender. 

I never wondered why they chose me, a stranger in my own life. I never questioned their existence nor their persistent devotion. I did not speak of them, for fear of ‘treatment’, imprisonment and chemical reduction of my senses. 

The dark man scared me, but has never drawn near. The beast stood in front of me, to protect me from fear. The boy, he was my first self, trapped on a high shelf, hidden from the touch, the unwelcome attention of betrayal, hatred disguised as love. The boy never weeps, his mouth never speaks, his bones do not break, his blood does not leak. He is untouchable, unreachable, denied to abuse or pain, sitting behind crystal walls, never to be seen again…

Except by me, the carrier of burdens, the volunteer, the bearer of the cross. I take the pain of living, I weep the tears of loss. I am the one that would not let the boy take the fall, the father of the beast, the protector of all, I created the dark man, a facade to frighten away the ghosts, I stood in place of what would bleed, I protect what matters most. 

This fable of creation, written in the heart of a lonely child, has become the truth of freedom, has kept a comet wild. In words and actions I live a myth, I borrow imagined time, I empower the innocence of survival, I record it all in rhyme. 

A mystery, wrapped in enigma, shrouded in confusion, my life story. Understand what you will, or deny any meaning. I write to expose to my own eyes the truth of that lost boy, to rescue him from his prison. 

He will be free,

Soon. 

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